Dating at 30

It’s the valentine week. I remember I wrote an article for the Hyderabad Times in 2011. It was called ‘ A Single Day of Love’. I was single then, and I spoke to my seniors about this idea a week before Valentine’s Day. The article was about how people were embracing their single-hood and were going to indulge in doing things they love the most and are passionate about. I think the message I wanted to drive home was that people need to be happy with themselves first, and then find someone who’d make them happy.

Cut to the chase. I recently turned 30, and I am single, which is not a bad thing after all. But people will tell you all kinds of things cos you’re now ‘old’.
All the things that I am going to be writing here are out of experience, either personal or of people in my close circle.

Dating at 30 is visibly very different from dating in your 20s. You may call these tips, but I am no one to advise you. These are certain observations I have made and convolutions that I have tried to resolve while I try to live my life to the fullest.

Let your guard down

At your 30s you’re at the prime of your life. I was recently having this conversation with a friend, who’s going through a divorce in his early 30s, about how when you’re young you are unsure about what life holds for you. You’re just starting out your career, and let’s agree for the most part you’re broke. But when you’re in your 30s, you’re earning well, you have your career in place and are self sufficient. You indulge in good things because you can. You’ve figured out a way of life for yourself. A lifestyle like this is very addictive. You get so used to your own company, cos life is comfortable. Comfort is always appealing. In this process, you distance yourself from emotions. You forget to appreciate the presence of another person. In simple words, you have your guard up high. You’re scared to alter your lifestyle for obvious reasons.

But, hear me out and let your guard down.

Remember how when you’re a child you’re not scared of having a fall. It’s the same with emotions; you are vulnerable at all times, 20s or 30s. Let go off these inhibitions and let people in. Get acquainted with your emotional self again and discover like minded people. Honestly, uptight is such a turn off.

Steer clear of biases 

I cannot believe how taboo the term ‘divorce’ is in some of our communities. I personally hadn’t considered this a possibility; as in it never crossed my mind if I would consider dating a divorcee. My cousin and I went over this and realized, it was not likely that we’d come across a divorcee in our early 20s. But in 30s, it’s a possibility that cannot be averted. I have made it a point to steer clear of any bias that I may have had until now.

Move on from your past

Maybe you were a mess because of what happened with your ex. But that doesn’t mean you are always going to be one. I hear people saying ‘Oh, I wish you had met me earlier, when I was not so broken’. Forget people, I myself am guilty of saying this a couple of times. But you will not always be broken. Time heals everything, and it’s important to leave the hurt behind as you heal. You are not expected to recite your heartbreak story on your first date or your second or your third. You’ll know when the time is right; but just don’t be pulled down about it.

An understanding of who you are/Know what you want

When you’re in your 20s, what you wanted may have been very different from what you want now. I knew exactly what I wanted from my first relationship; I wanted to be with this guy and I put love above everything else. But things changed and we started to evolve into two very different people. I realized, what I wanted was actually only what I thought I wanted, not exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be the giver of affection, and I enjoyed it. But after a point, I had nothing to offer; I was exhausted. That altered the way I looked at things. 

It’s always important to keep rediscovering yourself and identifying the things you want. 

Do not time-box anything

We get a lot of grief for not having our life sorted because we haven’t found the ‘one’. But no good can be reaped out of being stressed about a particular timeline. We need to stop time-boxing these things and let things flow at their own pace. Just be assured that it’s your sanity that matters. 

Age is just a number

As cliche as it can get but there is so much truth to this. Age is after all just a number. You may fall in love with someone at any point in your life, and in the most unexpected way. No matter what the age (or the age gap), what matters is the fact that you’re in love with the person and see a future with them. 

Never Settle

If you know what you want, then never settle for anyone that you’re not into just because they fit the bill. Of course nobody is perfect, but don’t run into something that you may regret later. 

Wear your heart on your sleeve (Be honest)

When I say this, I mean be as raw as you can. Like I’ve written before, I think baring all insecurities becomes a challenge as you grow older. But be honest about your likes or dislikes. About your past. About your status. About your identity. Dishonesty is also a turn off. 

No, you don’t have to reveal all about yourself on your first date. But when you have a connection with someone and think things may go forward; find the right opportunity to tell them what they need to know. 

Listen to yourself

Listen to yourself. Your hunches are your best guides. You may want to seek opinion of your friends and family but you know best what you want. 
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Some of my girlfriends always advise me not to be the first one to text, but that’s not who I am. If I want to text someone first, I would go ahead and do it. 
You may have your own quirks, own them and be yourself. 

Have fun

Just cos you’re 30 doesn’t imply you need to do boring things. It’s also very easy to get caught up thinking about the future. Maybe you haven’t met the one, you’re not married, and you don’t have kids yet. You may have certain expectations, but it’s never okay to project it on every person you meet. Give more of your mind and heart to having fun. Find things that interest you and do them together with the person you’re getting to know. Also, at this age, you know exactly what you enjoy. So it becomes clearer to chose what you want to do.

Of course I put together an outfit for this post. If you know me, you’d know my love for pleats. I’ve been on a spree of buying all things pleated and my latest buy is this lovely champagne pleated skirt. I paired it with a black solid blouse that has some drama going around with its sleeves. This definitely could be an ideal outfit for your first date.

A Happy Valentines to everyone out there 🙂

Lace Fixation

This blog post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, and I decided to finish up today, a gloomy Friday morning. This look has been one of my most liked on my Instagram.

My love for anything lace has been clear and blunt. I still vividly remember paying endless trips to ‘Cheap Jack’ in General Bazar with my mom to pick up the perfect lace fabric for those dreamy outfits.

All of 12, I remember putting together an outfit that I had in mind; a flared lace skirt, a solid shirt and a lace crop jacket to go with it – all in peach.
It was my go to outfit. I would want to wear it to every place we go until I finally outgrew it. Ever since, I’ve not really owned a full lace outfit as I grew weary of anything mildly flimsy. Wearing something sheer or lacy meant factoring in a lot of things; the delicacy of the fabric, the translucency et al – just too much work.

However, when @women_and_dresses sent across this beautiful dress it made me oh so nostalgic. I readily agreed to style it and I think it is safe to say that I cannot seem to part from my love for lace after all.

I think my Instagram speaks a lot about my new found love in beige and neutral tones. I feel like I’ve been leaning towards this aesthetic a lot lately. Keeping it simple and minimal. And of course, the gold brogues; I have had so much love coming from people for these. I picked these up from Ajio over a year ago. I’ve been hunting for them in black but haven’t been successful 😦

Let me know how you like the new look on my blog 🙂

Love,
Rad All Day.

New Year, Rekindle!

‘I was wondering after all these years you’d like to meet?’

I still remember writing my first blog post of 2018 – Whimsical Blossom.

I still remember the grim and dreariness of the beginning of the year as if it was just yesterday, although a year has gone by.

As I mentioned in one of my recent Instagram posts, I was in a place where I was on the verge of giving up on everything I was doing, because I couldn’t believe I gave people the power to hurt me. It altered the way I thought of myself, the way I perceived every emotion and relationship; love, patience, forgiveness, and friendship.

Although my blogpost of 2018 had me saying, rejuvenate, renew, and regrow, I found myself unable to do those myself, because I was met with far more difficult situations as the year went by. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. And how!

However, writing was something that strengthened me. I was able to draw courage from all the messages from people. I was able to write my heart out whenever I felt the need to. I may have hurt some emotions and feelings in the process, but it was needed. It was needed, that I bring out those words.

I look back at this year as the most difficult year so far, but that is not going to stop me from making the coming year better. The struggle has strengthened me, reinforced my beliefs, and restored my faith.

As a first step towards making this year a better one, I spent the last couple of weeks trying to rekindle some friendships that I thought didn’t hold any significance in my life. However, now my comprehension of them seems to differ and for good. 

Rekindling old friendships or relationships is quite a vacillating pursuit. But it’s never impossible. 
I came to realise that no matter how wrong someone has done you or how wrong you’ve been to someone, there’s no way it cannot be mended. Holding on to anger and shutting yourself off isn’t the only way out, always.

When you know you can look someone in the eye and not be enraged by their wrong doings, you know you’ve overcome. It is not easy, but it is not impossible either.

It has been a good start to the year after all.

One song that also kept me going was, Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

Listen to it here: Everybody Hurts


Outfit

Before my favourite kid could leave to pursue his dream at FTII, we met for a couple of shoots together and this was one of them. I never got a chance to post them.

I put this look together to channel my love for White + Denim – The Classic. Paired a pale blue denim with a vintage-y off white shoulder frill top.

I have been musing over Jenna Roi Long‘s Instagram feed for a while now. The hat was inspired from one of her posts.

As always, this kid creates magic with his pictures. I mean, is that even me?

Outfit Details:

  • Off-white Top – Only
  • Blue Denim – Levi’s
  • Gladiator Sandals – Forever 21
  • Sling Bag – Zara
  • Hat – HnM

Pictures by AJ Aaron.

Hope you guys have a great year ahead.

Love,

Rad All Day!